it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
