No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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