Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
