What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
