dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
