Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
