Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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