Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
