If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
