Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
