Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
