they need to just BURY HIM!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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