i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
