I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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