my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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