Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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