she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
