Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize