Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
