There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
