Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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