Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
