remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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