He is an equal opportunity slut.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
