be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
