Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
