There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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