my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
