i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
