even my farts smell like vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
