I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
