So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
