Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
