I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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