Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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