I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
