For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
