Already got asked if we're dating
so let's talk penis.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
