My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
