I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I smell stomach acid.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize