That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
