my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
