Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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