so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
