the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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