I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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