I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
