dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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