I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
