THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize