I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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