If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
