Can Purell be used as lube?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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