I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
