I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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