but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
