my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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