I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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