I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
