if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
