I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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