I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
