You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
