You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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