I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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