can we get nightvision for the apartment?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
