fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
