if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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